SMALL THINGS: THEIR SIGNIFICANCE & THEIR SADNESS

H's mother drove an hour to see me on sunday. She knit me a scarf, asked how I was. I said fine. We talked over lunch. My side was meek, nervous talk--the kind I'm good at. The only talking I do these days. I got stuck again, that strange spot where I can only nod. It's like a tic, the words won't come, I just nod and nod and it seems as though my smile will break my face. She is smiling too when she says, You're not really fine, are you? I smile shyly, nod, and promptly burst into tears. She says, When will you understand that it's not ungrateful to be sad?


THINGS TO BE GRATEFUL FOR:

- the kindness of cats
- my friends' mothers, especially L & T
- these two impossibly yellow trees outside Oliver-Barnard.
- my Mimi.
- realizing that a stranger is someone you know.
- new puppy: a lhasa alpso named Charlie Special-forces Deerdown.
- Cait & I singing "Yellow Submarine" because her car has no radio.
- darkness/light/darkness
- the boy that translates Spanish poetry. & Asked me to coffee.
- dreams of the moon